Odds and Ends

I’m a big fan of the band The Decemberists. I downloaded most of their music that is available on eMusic and purchased their most recent album at a retail store (the only CD I’ve bought since I got my iPod two years ago).
I listen to The Decemberists all the time, but I had never actually seen the band–not even photos. I caught their recent performance on Austin City Limits this weekend, and I was shocked that lead singer Colin Meloy looks nothing like I imagined him.
With his distinctive tenor voice, I’d pictured Colin Meloy as a thin 20-something hipster. Instead, he looks like he’s in his 30s; he’s somewhat heavy set and wears glasses. He looks much more like a fellow parent who I would run into a a PTA meeting. I didn’t realize until I saw him in performance what a strong mental image I’d formed of him. Strange.

I’ve seen the new diet drug alli promoted heavily at Walgreens. This blogger interprets the marketing hype for us: “A simplified medical description of the drug is that it’s a fat blocker. It stops your body from absorbing some of the fat in your diet. . . But here’s the most important thing the drug does: it makes you shit oil. Worse, it makes you shit your pants.”
My favorite part of the post is the blogger’s interpretation of the alli web site bullshit (aka WSBS):

WSBS: The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favourite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a shit on it.
WSBS: Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. (my emphasis)
No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, you’re still going to shit oil.
WSBS: …pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect.
No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to shit yourself. Stay close to a toilet.
WSBS: If you’re getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over.
No BS: Don’t say you weren’t warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself.
WSBS: You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.
No BS: You’re old life is over. Forget what you think you know about your body. You are going to fart uncontrollably. And there will be follow-through. This is not going to be something you want to share.
And my absolute favourite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):
“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”
Oh. My. Fucking. God. They are so sure you are going to shit your pants they are saying you should accept the inevitable. There is no way to avoid this. So wear dark pants to hide the liquid shit stains. And bring a change of clothes. Because your first set are going to get impregnated with liquid shit.

Today, AP has a story about a cat that predicts the death of nursing home patients:

Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
…
Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don’t know he’s there, so patients aren’t aware he’s a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.

The AP reporter is missing the other obvious conclusion: the cat is sucking the life out of the patients. Everyone knows, after all, that cats can kill babies.

Last week, I was chatting with the phlebotomist while I was donating blood. In the course of the conversation, he told me, “You know, one of the first thing we teach new people around here is that if you make a mistake, don’t say “Oops!” or “Uh oh!”

I keep my resume on my personal web site all the time as part of my online profile, even when I’m not looking for a job. As a result, I get quite a few calls from recruiters. Over the years, I’ve discovered that most of them follow a funny pattern:

My cell phone rings. I see that it’s a number I don’t recognize, often from a different area code. The beginning of the call almost invariably goes like this:
Me (using my sonorous, who-the-hell-is-calling voice): ‘Stan Taylor’
Caller: Hi, Stan Taylor? How are you today?
Me (suspicious): Fine, thank you.
Caller: Is this a good time to talk?
Me: I don’t know. What do you want to talk about?
Caller (sounding surprised by my answer): My name is Joe Blow, and I found your resume… I have a position that I think you’re qualified for…

I’m not sure why they always ask how I’m doing before they say anything else. I guess it must be that ‘make a personal connection’ thing. Likewise, I don’t understand why they ask me if it’s a good time to talk before they introduce themselves. I guess if they introduced themselves first and then asked, it would be easier for me just to hang up.

“Let Are Kids Walk!”
From the accompanying article:

FORT WORTH — Students who had been planning to walk across the stage at graduation ceremonies this weekend were instead walking a picket line Thursday morning.
The Trimble Tech High School seniors marched in front of Fort Worth Independent School District headquarters to protest Wednesday’s decision by trustees to bar students who failed the TAKS test from commencement exercises.

This is an AP story, but if it’s not a hoax, I’m not going to sleep well: 11-year-old boy kills a 1050-pound wild hog with a pistol.
UPDATE: Looks like I can sleep well after all. StinkyJournalism analyzes the photos and concludes that the pig wasn’t really as large as claimed. Quelle surprise!

From this list of party suggestions for Cinco de Mayo:

Put a “border guard” at your front door to give guests the feeling of going through customs.

Last week I ran across this collection of awesome dog-themed CafePress products. I ordered a T-shirt with this one:

I really want one of these: