I’ve seen the new diet drug alli promoted heavily at Walgreens. This blogger interprets the marketing hype for us: “A simplified medical description of the drug is that itâ€™s a fat blocker. It stops your body from absorbing some of the fat in your diet. . . But hereâ€™s the most important thing the drug does: it makes you shit oil. Worse, it makes you shit your pants.”
My favorite part of the post is the blogger’s interpretation of the alli web site bullshit (aka WSBS):
WSBS: The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favourite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a shit on it.
WSBS: Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. (my emphasis)
No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, youâ€™re still going to shit oil.
WSBS: â€¦pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect.
No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to shit yourself. Stay close to a toilet.
WSBS: If youâ€™re getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over.
No BS: Donâ€™t say you werenâ€™t warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself.
WSBS: You may not usually get gassy, but itâ€™s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.
No BS: Youâ€™re old life is over. Forget what you think you know about your body. You are going to fart uncontrollably. And there will be follow-through. This is not going to be something you want to share.
And my absolute favourite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):
â€œYou may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, itâ€™s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.â€
Oh. My. Fucking. God. They are so sure you are going to shit your pants they are saying you should accept the inevitable. There is no way to avoid this. So wear dark pants to hide the liquid shit stains. And bring a change of clothes. Because your first set are going to get impregnated with liquid shit.